Adoption – Being Matched

Adopting Intentionally – Day 17

For 31 Days I will blog about Adopting Intentionally, you can find an overview and links to daily posts here.


We have had two different experiences with being matched.

With our first son we were chosen by a birth mother

For our agency, we had put together a book of pictures and information specifically for birth parents to look at and get to know us.  Andrew and I spent a good deal of time on the book and the writing.  Each word was chosen to encourage her, to assure her, to honor her.  We did wonder what it was that drew her to us, but we would never have asked. 

She did reveal it on her own.  Our birthmother told us why she chose us . . . because she thought my husband looked like Leonardo DiCaprio.  I had never thought so, you can be the judge.


With our second son, it was different.  He came to us as a foster child with the possibility of adoption.  Within his first week of placement we were at the Department of Children and Families Office so he could have his weekly visit with his birthmother.   Our interaction with her was quite tentative.

She saw me holding him, but did not recognize him.  When I stood to introduce myself and she did see him, she blurted out, “That’s him,? He looks whiter.”  I was completely unprepared for this reaction, and tried to find some reassuring words to help her know that we were for her.  We were not there to take away her son.

Weeks later we heard that she was pleased with his placement.  I felt encouraged about my interactions with her . . .

She told me that she thought Andrew looked like Brad Pitt.


I do think my husband is a handsome man.

However, there are lots of factors that play into placement.  There are superficial factors, and there are deep, personal factors.  The surface ones are sometimes easier to talk about.

Each placement happens, and it contains within it potential for family forever.  It also holds the possibility of great disappointment.

Being matched with a child is a moment that could change your life.  It is a strange feeling to get an email or a letter that lets you know of an upcoming placement.

May you celebrate the match.  That child is on his or her way toward something permanent and good.  Your family has stepped into the next stage of adoption.

May you slow down.  Instead of rushing to buy clothes or getting a crib set up.  Sit with the placement.  Seek the next steps with a mindful heart.  The first steps of connection are before you, be ready for them.

It is time to prepare your heart.


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